The Catbird Seat

A have a very good friend who has recently become a Great Friend. Let me tell you why…

We had a huge rift. Yes, that’s right. A big nasty unsaid rift in our friendship and neither of us were dealing with it. Until she confronted me.

I knew it was gonna be rough from the second she said, “Hey, what are you doing this week? We need to get together.” Ugh. We were going to talk about it. I knew it and she knew it. We both acted like it was not going to be a big deal.

It was.

I went over to her house and we chit-chatted for a few minutes. I decided to just get right down to it.

Me: “Hey, are we okay?”
Great friend: “No, not really.”
Me: “I didn’t think so.”
GF: “I have a lot of bitterness toward you, and I think we need to talk about it.”

Woah.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend just put it out there like that. It was awful. And wonderful. We were going to deal with it. And deal with it we did, praise the Lord.

She told me what it was that had been bothering her. I rudely interrupted a few times, got incredibly defensive, talked way too much (imagine that!) and genuinely tried to listen to and take in her words. They were difficult to hear. I had hurt her deeply. She felt betrayed. Her feelings were valid.

She was incredibly gracious and allowed me to present my side of the story. She listened and heard far better than me. I cried. She cried. She allowed me to apologize and repent for the sinful contribution I made to the rift. She took responsibility for her part as well. We actually disagreed on a pretty significant part of what had gotten us to this place. Remarkably, even that was okay. Not pleasant. But okay.

I heard her heart. It said, “I’m hurt, but you matter to me and so I want to work this out.”
She heard my heart. It said, “I made a choice that hurt you, but you matter to me and so I want to work this out.”

We did.

She bravely accepted my apologies even though her heart probably fought it. I bravely accepted that my choices hurt her, and took responsibility for them even though my heart definitely fought it.

We were both relieved.

We had survived this rift, and what it took to fix it. I was so proud of her. It took a lot of courage to confront me and spill her guts. More courage than I had, in fact. I had known, just as she had, that there was something amuck in our friendship. Only she had the chutzpah to deal with it.

I learned a great lesson that day about GF and her commitment to me, herself and to God. He had prompted us both to address our rift. She had obeyed. I had not. GOOD FOR YOU, GF. I’m so glad you did.

Filed under: General, Catbird, Like a fire, Friendship on February 24th, 2006