What are we gonna do TODAY?
It’s a question that gets asked a lot around here.
To me, by me.
Yesterday I talked to another SAHM who feels confounded by that same question every morning.
I talked to 3 more moms throughout the day who are looking for ways to fill up our seemingly endless hot summer days.
You would think that question would go hand-in-hand with delight and anticipation for the days ahead.
Not always so. In fact, not often so.
On really good days, I have something that I want to do with Jane and Elizabeth (like go to the petting zoo, for example), and it’s just a matter of getting us dressed and ready and going.
More often than not, I have a sense of being unprepared to meet the ever-changing demands of a highly active, highly intelligent 2-year-old.
On really bad days, I have a sense of dread or frustration trying to “come up with” something to do. On those days, I feel like an overburdened maid trying to do the job of a children’s cruise-director. It can be exhausting.
I’m not alone.
We moms don’t often say these thoughts out loud, for fear of being thought of as a selfish, unloving, bad mother. “Bad” mother. Those words are an irrational fear and the bane of the existence of the SAHM, because it’s the only (and I use that term very loosely) job we have. Mothering. We’re supposed to be good at it. After all, it’s why we’re here, right?
The tension, though, between running a household (housecleaning, cooking, bill-paying, etc.), and providing a place of learning and fun for a child is high and difficult to manage at times.
Chores need to get done, but small children get bored easily and need to be engaged. Always making the children the center of our small universe, on the other hand, results in not only a messy and chaotic house, but also a spoiled brat who expects his/her parents to satisfy his/her every whim. It also makes for a tired, demoralized mother.
What is the answer to this conundrum? I don’t know exactly.
I do know a few things, though, that have helped and continue to help me in this mission/mine-field that I call “home.”
1. Taking a few days (or a week, if I’ve gotten REALLY behind) and knocking out all the weekly chores and projects that are hindering me from spending quality time with my children. Sometimes that means enlisting my husband to “pitch in” and help with laundry, trash-removing, or quick fix-it projects (like changing out lightbulbs in ceiling fans). This helps me to “get ahead” a little, and not feel like my housework has consumed me.
2. Being proactive, not reactive. After doing #1, I feel better prepared to face the day, knowing that I don’t have 6 loads of laundry sneering at me from my closet. Being proactive also means planning (often with friends) actual activities for me and my children the day or night before. Sometimes this involves parks and going out, sometimes it just means sculpting Play-Doh with Jane from 9am to 9:30 or 10. It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to be planned, or it won’t get done.
3. Exercising self-discipline. For me this means starting the dishwasher every single night whether I really want to or not. It means putting the toys away (or getting Jane to) so I don’t wake up to a cluttered living room. It means unloading my dishwasher first thing in the morning, so I can load it up throughout the day with dirty dishes, instead of dumping them in the sink. It means starting a load of laundry before going to the park, instead of rushing out the door without a thought for the state of my house.It’s hard, and I resent having to force myself to do these tasks, but the payoff is so much greater than the task itself. It’s worth it every time.
4. Being in Community with other SAHM’s! This really should be number one. Nothing helps more than spending weekly time with other SAHM’s and their kids. The kids play with (or at least, around) each other. The moms talk about our struggles and encourage one another. We often trouble-shoot, collectively, sleeping and eating issues for another mom. We also watch each other’s kids so the mom with the new baby, for example, gets a break. Its a win-win scenario.
It’s far from a complete answer, but it’s a start.
I’d love to write (but more importantly, think!) about this issue more, but I have 2 children to feed, a load of laundry to fold, the dishwasher to unload and I need to get a shower. I also have to figure out what we’re gonna do today. I didn’t even give it a thought last night. (sigh.)
I think I need to practice what I preach.
All you SAHM’s out there…what’s your contribution to the list?
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