The Catbird Seat

Lately I’ve been listening to the soundtrack to “Elizabethtown” in the van.

Like, every chance I get.

Without a doubt, “Long Ride Home” by Patty Griffith is my favorite.

Here’s the chorus:

I’ve had some time to think about it.
And watch the sun sink like a stone.
I’ve had some time to think about you
on the long ride home.

It happens, doesn’t it?

At holiday time so many of us are on the road traveling to and from the relatives that we see maybe once or twice a year.

Inevitably, things are said (or not said) between family members that, for whatever reason, seem to stay with you.

Lots of things to think about on the road.

Good things, like compliments or an acknowledgment of something previously overlooked. A funny story about you retold in a way that everybody, including you, has a big belly laugh over it. A reminder about how so-and-so always loved your cornbread dressing, or haircut, or whatever. Validation from surprising people, like the spouses of your husband’s siblings, for example.

Bad things, too, though, seem to stay with us well into the trip home, and often long after.

You know what I’m talking about. Those comments that reduce you to a 7-year-old again, even though you’re 35. The statements that are loaded with implied meaning. Discussions about embarrassing events or situations that make everyone, except you, laugh. Argumentative comments that do nothing to promote the peace at the dinner table. Fresh wounds on old scars.

I’ve come to both long for and dread the thinking time afforded by the long ride home.

For years, Paul and I called it “debriefing.” We’d be driving up I-65 headed toward Nashville and I’d say, “What did your [insert family member here] mean when he/she said so-and-so?” He’d give me a detailed description of all the ways that so-and-so comment was a dig on me, or not a dig on me but on his brother, who was sitting nearby, etc. You get the idea.

Sometimes those debriefings took many more days than the trip home lasted.

These days, it’s harder to debrief. The two girls in the back seat are great, but demanding, little travelers which leaves little room to really hash it out.

And the debriefing has changed, too. It used to be, “What did he mean…” or “Why did she say…” or “I can’t believe that he said…”

Now it’s more like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What was going on in you when he/she said (or did) that?” or “Do want me to just hush so you can process all this?”

I think we’ve come a long way. And I’m not just talking about the 9+ hours it took to get home.

Filed under: General, Catbird, Like a fire, Random Thoughts on November 28th, 2006