The Catbird Seat

I’m beginning to wonder about television these days.

Last night, I went to bed uncharacteristically early in an effort to nurse myself back to health after having been sick with a sore throat and pink-eye for a little over 3 days.

In theory, it seemed like a good idea to watch television in bed: combining the prone position with mind-numbing TV-watching was sure to take my mind off the 8 million responsibilities I currently have, and allow my poor body to get a much-needed break from its current stress load.

Theory, as you may know, can differ greatly from reality.

Such was the case.

After perusing the guide of the (literal) hundreds of channels that we have available through DISH, I was becoming frustrated with the apparent lack of quality programming on Saturday nights.

Until I found the R&R channel, and its truly inspiring Saturday evening offerings.

First came “Quality Whitetails”, which, though sounding potentially racist or sexist, at the least, turned out to be an hour-long show about deer.

Whitetail deer, to be exact.

I just could not believe my luck.

I could sip my glass of cold water, inhale my steam vaporizer, recline on not one, but two fluffy pillows, and watch grown men shoot beautiful, yet unsuspecting, bucks and does, all at the same time .

Then, to top that off (if it’s possible), I was able to watch and learn as the men discussed the best possible ways to attract, find and kill a male whitetail deer in his prime (exact quote.)

This conversation between hunters conveniently took place at the site of the freshly-killed deer; “conveniently” because they were able to use the newly-dead deer as a demonstration model or subject, lifting up limp limbs (and at one point the head) to show the beauty and majesty of a 6-8-year-old buck whitetail in his prime.

Riveting programming, I tell you. [insert heavy sarcasm] And not in the least disturbing. Really.

In between kill-shots, biologists and other deer-environment specialists would appear to discuss the merits of growing various types of plants and grass to truly prepare your hunting property to attract and support the largest and most well-developed deer.

To then kill.

Now, I must confess that I truly don’t have a problem, per se, with deer-hunting in general. I have lots of friends who are married to guys that just love it. These same friends do not waste the venison that comes from their husbands trophies…they eat it in tacos, stew, etc., and I think that does redeem killing deer in some way.

And yes, I eat meat. And yes, I know that someone has to kill the cows, chicken and pigs that supply the grocery stores who graciously remove all the real-life out of meat butchering and present it to me plastic wrapped and ready to cook.

And yes, I realize that it doesn’t take the skill or courage or patience to kill cows, pigs or chickens that it does to hunt deer and other wild game.

So that’s not the issue.

I just can’t understand why anyone would think that 8 o’clock on Saturday night would be the best placement for “Quality Whitetails.”

Actually, I can’t understand why anyone would think it would be a good show to begin with. Isn’t all this information available in a hunting magazine somewhere?

Truthfully, I can’t understand why I even watched it myself, except that I just couldn’t get over that it was even a selection in the programming guide, and before I knew it, I had watched about 14 minutes and 27 seconds before my head cleared enough to change the channel. (It was the scene where the two hunters dragged the deer by the horns off the hunting property that did it.)

After then returning to the DISH network guide, I discovered my decision to leave the R&R channel might have been too hasty, because the next program up would be too good to miss.

It’s a shame I was so tired that I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

I’m sure this week’s episode of “Saturday Night Knife and Gun Show” was a real crowd-pleaser.

Filed under: General, Catbird, Random Thoughts on February 18th, 2007