The Catbird Seat

Today as I drove back from a truly enjoyable day-trip to Chattanooga with my daughters, I found myself in a most unusual situation.

For approximately 45 miles or so, I drove exclusively in the left lane. By choice.

Yes, that’s right.

I drove in the left-hand lane only from about 10 miles north of Fort Payne to just past Gadsden, Alabama on I-59 headed west to Birmingham.

No, I wasn’t always the fastest vehicle in the left lane.

Yes, I realize that means that people had to pass on the right.

No, I have no shame over this.

It really was quite the coup over left lane etiquette.

Here’s why:

Chattanooga is roughly 2 & 1/2 hours away from Birmingham. We spent practically the whole day in Chattanooga, leaving to come home around 3.

Both of my girls still take (and need) daytime naps.

Neither of my girls had a nap earlier in the day.

If they didn’t nap (even a little) in the car on the way home, I was in for a LONG drive home and an even LONGER night until bedtime.

So, just as we got into Georgia (15 minutes outside Chattanooga), I turned on familiar, soothing music.

I gave Elizabeth a pacifier.

I turned the air on, but a little on the warm-ish side (about 66 degrees) so the girls would get warm and snuggly.

I even handed my lightweight sweater to Elizabeth to use as a blanket; she promptly covered her legs and torso, mumbling, “Tain-too” behind her paci.

It worked like magic.

Elizabeth, who was already fairly heavy-lidded, was OUT in less than 5 minutes of the above routine. Jane, ever the resistant one, took another 20 minutes to give it up.

By 3:40, both girls were sacked out.

And then I met my road-trip nemesis: the 45 mile stretch of I-59 from the Alabama state line to the west side of Gadsden.

This stretch of Alabama interstate is particularly annoying because, though it looks evenly worn and not pocked by the various trucks that take this route, it actually has grooves in the road that produce a very persistent (and very loud and physically jarring) docka-docka-docka-docka- noise that TRULY DOES NOT CEASE until after one passes the last Gadsden exit heading west.

Right lane ONLY.

No, I am not exaggerating.

You know when you cross the bridge on I-65 just before Montgomery? Or the bridge at Bay Minette just before you get to Panama City, FL? Or, for you non-Alabama travelers, just about any bridge over any major body of water in Florida?

The consistent, steady bumping over each bridge section. The rhythmic sound of tires striking uneven pavement…

Dockadockadockadockadockadockadockadockadockadockadockadockadockadocka…

It’s enough to wake not one, but TWO sleeping children out of a very good, very necessary nap in the car.

Something had to be done.

So I drove in the left lane, going about 75 miles an hour, with no respect for the 75+mph drivers who did everything from tailgating to staring to head-wagging before (or while) finally giving up and passing on the right.

Fortunately no one flipped me off. At least that I saw.

I made only 2 exceptions during the 45-minute right lane ban.

The first was for an Alabama State Trooper who came up behind me at a pace that was just slightly above the 72 mph that I dropped down to when he pulled onto the road from the median.

I thought that if he was gracious enough to not give me a ticket for my expired Florida plates and/or my speeding, then I could be gracious enough to get over and let him go by.

Oh, and of course, I was scared to death he’d ticket me for making him pass on the right. Is that a law, btw?

It was a grueling minute and a half as he passed. I prayed feverishly for him to hurry-it-up-for-pete’s-sake-MY-CHILDREN-ARE-STIRRING as the van bumped along the right lane, the dockadockadockadockadockadocka getting louder (to me) by the second.

Praise God, neither child awoke.

The second trip to the right lane was just as we got to the Gadsden exits and the left lane had begun to have dockadockadocka problems as well. I figured, by that time, I owed it to somebody to get over, especially since the left lane wasn’t just a whole lot better, anyway.

And the girls slept, unmoved (literally) by my open rebellion of one of the only driving rules that I adhere to religiously: the left lane (”the fast lane” in my family’s lexicon) is reserved for passing; slower cars take the right lane. Always.

In my family, if you are the slower car, you get your butt in the right lane. Even if you’re still going faster than the cars in the right lane. Even if it means taking off the cruise control. Even if you wind up getting behind a long line of cars and it takes a whole 5 minutes off your drive time.

You just get over. Period.

Except for today.

And doesn’t that just sum up motherhood completely?

No matter how true or holy or right or just, a mother will abandon almost everything she values for the sake of her children. (and their sleep!)

Moms, can I get an AMEN?!

Filed under: General, Catbird, Local Color, SAHM, Elizabeth, Jane on June 14th, 2007